Curiosity killed the fucking cat. Doing some goddamn memes brought it back.

[sharpestscalpel]

Or something to that fucking effect.

Little Peaches gave me some questions because some other fuckers were too pussy to do it.

1. Vhat are the most important lessons you've learned in life?

I believe I goddamn already posted this the other fucking day. Worth repeating though. If it's wet and sticky and not your own, don't touch it. There are some sub-lessons about proper glove handling procedures and inoculation on a regular basis for various blood-born pathogens and flesh-eating shit, but you want the short version, that's it.

2. Vhere is the furthest avay from home you hawe ewer been?

I get a little bit further from home every minute, Peaches.

3. Is there anything you hawe done vhich you regret?

There was this little rat-faced shit terrier that our neighbor had when I was growing up. I still regret not breaking that dog's fucking neck. I still have a scar from where that cunt-rag mutt bit me.

4. Vhat is the funniest joke you ewer heard?

I think it's a tie between:

Two baby seals walk into a club.

and

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, milk, dead baby, blender.

5. Vhat has been the proudest moment of your life?

I'm a modest soul. You might could get me drunk enough to talk about it one day though. Feed some Romulan ale and then ask me about the time I almost got myself into some deep shit on the Romulan home world, okay?

Y'all want some goddamn questions, fucking say so, pussies.

Comments

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

'evening, dipshit! I thought I saw that you were trolling the memes earlier. Sleeping better or is your ship still trying to kill you?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Douchebag, I somehow figured you'd eventually show up.

Trolling? Weaksauce. You already feeling nervous that I'm sniffing around yours?

Haven't had time to pay attention to the ship - I've been up to my elbows in intestines and assholes. Crew ain't got shit to do but gut and fuck each other raw.

1. Why do you have such a douchebag haircut?
2. You got a little girl, I hear. Her name Joanna?
3. That old hag live on the corner when you were growing up? Fucking Mrs. Flatterly? Did you, by any chance, burn down her barn?
4. What'd'ya got to drink over there?
5. Chapel's panties match her uniform?

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Weaksauce? Didn't take you for a teen-aged girl, though from the back, its hard to tell.

1. Cause I'm a man. One day your balls will drop and you too will experience puberty. We'll have a barbecue or something...
2. Got two now, actually. Stay the fuck away from them, or I will tear you apart.
3. I did not burn her barn down. I did accidentally run over her dog. Just keep that between us, though, okay?
4. Got lots of shit, most of it cheap. Beam tonight, most nights, but there are a lot of bottles. What is your poison?
5. Have no idea, you'd have to ask her. Then step back before she hypos your sad ass into oblivion.

Those were good ones! Glad to see you're not completely mental like the others from your universe.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

That's mighty age-ist of you.

1. I don't think you want to know how I celebrated puberty. You're still a bit delicate.
2. I had one of those myself.
3. Accidentally. Nice.
4. Cheap shit'll kill you. Tonight is Maker's Mark.
5. You've got two of those fucking blondie nurses, I forgot. Yeah, I know Babylights matches. And I know what Chapel here fancies - or rather doesn't. Figured I'd complete the survey.

You implying you have my shitting captain and his goddamn calculator on your ship?

Well, then.

That's special.

You do me a favor and, ah, keep Spock healthy for me.

[headnursechapel.livejournal.com]

...How do you know whether my panties match or not?

*tugs down skirt slightly*

*looks furtively for hidden cameras*

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Babylights, I'm not going to say you're predictable because that'd be selling you as short as that fucking skirt is.

But, you know.

[headnursechapel.livejournal.com]

I didn't design the uniform, you know.

And you know nothing about me, nor how "predictable" I may or may not be.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

That's true. I don't think they actually asked any women before they designed them.

I got eyes, Babylights. I see things.

[headnursechapel.livejournal.com]

They didn't.

Why don't you ask me some of your questions, and see if what you think you know about me turns out to be true?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Appears some things, when it comes to military-styled organizations, are constant across dimensions.

Okay, Babylights:

1. I know about the panties. But does the carpet match the drapes?
2. You still pining for the Spock what got himself bonded to your captain and CMO?
3. You ever been tied up and fucked over a table?
4. What's the correct percentage dosage to bodyweight for your favorite sleep aid hypo?
5. Who does your hair?

[headnursechapel.livejournal.com]

...

You're appalling. How do you know about Spock?

3. The biobed restraints are for professional use only, at least in my universe.
4. Luckily, I've always been able to fall asleep easily without needing a sedative.
5. I style my own hair. My mother used to be a hairdresser, and she taught me everything she knew.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

So, check, check, check, miss, and check.

Not too shabby for just using my eyes. Imagine what I could do with a comprehensive exam.

[headnursechapel.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad I'm not entirely predictable.

Hmm, too bad you're a universe away and a comprehensive exam is completely and utterly out of the question. Seriously, how can you see me?

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Age-ist??? Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend your delicate sensibilities.

1. Fuck you.
2. I heard.
4. We're all gonna die of something.

Not implying anything, saw them for lunch today in our goddamn cafeteria. Eating salad and shit.

So... the bearded Spock, eh? Someone got a crush? I tell you, we're almost over-run on Spocks over here. Can't swing a cat without hitting a Spock.

Hmmm, yeah...

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Aw, you can't be bothered to give a shit about progressive values? Nice, douchebag.

1. I'm on duty, boy. That hardly seems appropriate.
2. Oh, did you now?
4. Some of us sooner than others.

Fucking vegetarian.

You some kind of xenophobe, got something against pointy-eared bastards?

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

You want progressive, you got the wrong guy. I'm an old-fashioned sort.

1. Then you let me know when you're off duty, son and we'll talk.
2. You scared by little girl. Should hurt you for that, but I'm trying to let her fight her own battles and not run her life. But don't scare her again.

Oh, the Vulcans... I admit to some reservations about them at first, but since I've gotten to know a couple of them intimately I've found my first impressions were quite wrong.

So... How you holding up over there? Why haven't you taken over yet... Or have you?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

It's true, everybody's got to live their own life. Can't live it for anyone else.

Not my fault if she goes poking her nose in where there might be tigers, though.

Take over? Why would I want to be in charge of these stupid shit-eating assholes? Fastest route to an ulcer short of doing shots of H. pylori - and that shit tastes foul, let me tell you. Ship is going to do whatever it wants to do and in the meantime I'm keeping myself to myself. Besides, Pike don't look too fondly on takeovers and that bastard'll be back. He's too cussed in love with his ship to leave her.