Curiosity killed the fucking cat. Doing some goddamn memes brought it back.

[sharpestscalpel]

Or something to that fucking effect.

Little Peaches gave me some questions because some other fuckers were too pussy to do it.

1. Vhat are the most important lessons you've learned in life?

I believe I goddamn already posted this the other fucking day. Worth repeating though. If it's wet and sticky and not your own, don't touch it. There are some sub-lessons about proper glove handling procedures and inoculation on a regular basis for various blood-born pathogens and flesh-eating shit, but you want the short version, that's it.

2. Vhere is the furthest avay from home you hawe ewer been?

I get a little bit further from home every minute, Peaches.

3. Is there anything you hawe done vhich you regret?

There was this little rat-faced shit terrier that our neighbor had when I was growing up. I still regret not breaking that dog's fucking neck. I still have a scar from where that cunt-rag mutt bit me.

4. Vhat is the funniest joke you ewer heard?

I think it's a tie between:

Two baby seals walk into a club.

and

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, milk, dead baby, blender.

5. Vhat has been the proudest moment of your life?

I'm a modest soul. You might could get me drunk enough to talk about it one day though. Feed some Romulan ale and then ask me about the time I almost got myself into some deep shit on the Romulan home world, okay?

Y'all want some goddamn questions, fucking say so, pussies.

Comments

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Ah, it's you. I'm amazed you've discovered so many gluttons for punishment.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Hey, asshole. Yeah, the cocksuckers around here are a dime-a-dozen and they just keep showing up in a little fucking line to look at me like I'm some goddamn zoo exhibit. You'd think they'd never seem a fucking doctor before.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

You do seem eager to display yourself to cause the greatest possible offense. It must be a novelty.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I'm just here. Ain't my fault they're all coming round to fucking gawp and gawk.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

You could easily be wherever it is you are without provoking such public interest. I suspect you enjoy the attention.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I enjoy watching them get all riled up and red-faced like they've never heard the word fuck before. That's a damn sight more interesting than what I've got going on down here.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

I rest my case.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Didn't you know you were lawyering.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Is that a word?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Yes.

Verb form of lawyer.

What kind of education are you fucking receiving in your goddamn universe, you don't know that? Wait, you aren't from the same shitting universe as everyone else I've been talking to, are you? You look kind of fucking different.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

I think it's a noun, actually.

And I don't know who all you've been talking to, but I'm from a different universe than most of them, yes. How on earth you could tell that from my image, I don't know.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

You want to get fucking specific, "was lawyering" is the present participle verb forming the progressive aspect.

And all you from whatever goddamn universe you're from have a different kind of shitting focus going on. Babylights is all out with the softlighting but it's not hitting you so hard.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

That's a very interesting observation. Where are you from, may I ask?

"Babylights"?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

You ever been to Georgia? We take our fucking grammar seriously.

Sorry, fucking Babylights - blonde nurse, short skirt, matching panties. You know her?

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

I was referring to the lighting observation, actually. And your universe, not your state.

I do. That's... an interesting nickname.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Oh, fuck yeah. You got a Captain Pike and his goddamn pointy-eared calculator over there, right? They're mine.

You don't see all the soft-lighting, making her look all soft and tempting?

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

I think they'd likely disagree, but I take your meaning.

That woman hardly needs the lighting to be in her favor.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I'm the one on the goddamn ship at the moment, listening to the fucking thing sing. I don't give a shit if they disagree.

Oh, really? You ever fucked her? She looks like she might be sweet on top and fucking filthy once you get her down to those sassy little underpants.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

This explains so much.

I'm not going to dignify that with a response. What happened to your Chapel, by the way?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Chapel? How do you mean? We've got one. Not a bad nurse.

Hey, I forgot to ask you some fucking questions.

1. How'd a goddamn golden boy like you manage to stay so pretty without someone fucking up your face?

2. You got a Spock in your universe? A fucking Pike?

3. What's a motherfucker do for fun in your universe?

4. You fucking the your universe version of me? How's that working for you?

5. What'd you do last night?

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

You just seem really interested in mine. I was wondering if you had one.

1. I don't even know how to answer that. What's your secret, toots?

Don't you think I'd look even sexier with a scar?

2. Yes to both. Great men.

3. Can you clarify "motherfucker" in this context? Unless you mean literally, in which case, presumably the same thing they do anywhere else.

4. Now, that's interesting. What gave you that idea? I'm curious.

Anyway I wouldn't call it "fucking." We're escalating our romantic involvement, I guess you'd say. No, wait. You'd probably say something else. It's working great.

I'm guessing from things I've gathered here and there that the same is not true in your universe.

5. Engaged in long-distance mutual masturbation with my favorite Vulcan. Think phone sex, without the bills.

Do I even want to know what you did?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I'm just taking a fucking survey. I got the shitting baseline with my Chapel already.

1. Careful work with a dermal regenerator and a steady fucking patient hand.

And, eh, I don't know. Can decide if you're so goddamn pretty because of the symmetry or something else.

2. Really? That's a damn shame to hear.

3. Motherfucker, bored-ass bastard, off-duty-shiftless cocksucker.

4. I was reading your questions meme - people ask you some goddamn boring shit, man - and y'all was flirting like men who've fucked each other before.

"Escalating your romantic involvement"? I didn't take you for that kind of fucking pussy.

5. Long-distance mutual masturbation. I guess that "romantic escalation" ain't escalated enough to include a fucking friendly blowjob then.

I went down to visit our Kirk in the brig. He's all gaunt and he spends most of his time weakly moaning. It's fucking hot.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

1. I think I'm flattered. Let me know when you figure it out.

3. So, you, in other words? Probably drinking and brawling, though that gets you told off by me or some other hard-ass. Did you run out of porn?

4. Yes, and your questions are so illuminating. We're flirting like men working up to fucking, for the record. If we were fucking, I'd say so. If we were making love, I'd say that, too. Bones and I have been friends for a long time. He's not the type to jump right into friendly blowjobs. That'd be me.

5. I'm not exactly confining myself to my hand, buddy. Spicy variety, etc.

I'll certainly treasure that mental image. Thank you.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

1. You can be goddamn sure that I will.

3. Not much of a brawler here, Golden Boy. I'll fuck some shit up as well as the next asshole in a fight but it ain't exactly what I'd call fun.

4. They may not be illuminating but at least they aren't fucking lame.

I'm just saying, you want to fucking escalate, you need to suck the shine right out of his fucking eyes through his dick.

5. Didn't take you for a shitting philanderer.

I know I'll goddamn treasure it. But I'll have vid footage to help with that, too.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

3. I didn't exactly mean you--I don't know what you'd do for fun in my world that wouldn't land you in the brig. I enjoy sex, novels, sparring, and chess. We have extensive recreational facilities on board that I don't have time to use.

4. Your crassly poetic imagery aside... I just might.

5. Is that respect or condemnation? It's an old-fashioned view, in any event. I'm not doing anything under false pretenses or cavalierly. They know what they're getting. Would you keep this all to yourself?