Curiosity killed the fucking cat. Doing some goddamn memes brought it back.

[sharpestscalpel]

Or something to that fucking effect.

Little Peaches gave me some questions because some other fuckers were too pussy to do it.

1. Vhat are the most important lessons you've learned in life?

I believe I goddamn already posted this the other fucking day. Worth repeating though. If it's wet and sticky and not your own, don't touch it. There are some sub-lessons about proper glove handling procedures and inoculation on a regular basis for various blood-born pathogens and flesh-eating shit, but you want the short version, that's it.

2. Vhere is the furthest avay from home you hawe ewer been?

I get a little bit further from home every minute, Peaches.

3. Is there anything you hawe done vhich you regret?

There was this little rat-faced shit terrier that our neighbor had when I was growing up. I still regret not breaking that dog's fucking neck. I still have a scar from where that cunt-rag mutt bit me.

4. Vhat is the funniest joke you ewer heard?

I think it's a tie between:

Two baby seals walk into a club.

and

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, milk, dead baby, blender.

5. Vhat has been the proudest moment of your life?

I'm a modest soul. You might could get me drunk enough to talk about it one day though. Feed some Romulan ale and then ask me about the time I almost got myself into some deep shit on the Romulan home world, okay?

Y'all want some goddamn questions, fucking say so, pussies.

Comments

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

I was referring to the lighting observation, actually. And your universe, not your state.

I do. That's... an interesting nickname.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Oh, fuck yeah. You got a Captain Pike and his goddamn pointy-eared calculator over there, right? They're mine.

You don't see all the soft-lighting, making her look all soft and tempting?

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

I think they'd likely disagree, but I take your meaning.

That woman hardly needs the lighting to be in her favor.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I'm the one on the goddamn ship at the moment, listening to the fucking thing sing. I don't give a shit if they disagree.

Oh, really? You ever fucked her? She looks like she might be sweet on top and fucking filthy once you get her down to those sassy little underpants.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

This explains so much.

I'm not going to dignify that with a response. What happened to your Chapel, by the way?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Chapel? How do you mean? We've got one. Not a bad nurse.

Hey, I forgot to ask you some fucking questions.

1. How'd a goddamn golden boy like you manage to stay so pretty without someone fucking up your face?

2. You got a Spock in your universe? A fucking Pike?

3. What's a motherfucker do for fun in your universe?

4. You fucking the your universe version of me? How's that working for you?

5. What'd you do last night?

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

You just seem really interested in mine. I was wondering if you had one.

1. I don't even know how to answer that. What's your secret, toots?

Don't you think I'd look even sexier with a scar?

2. Yes to both. Great men.

3. Can you clarify "motherfucker" in this context? Unless you mean literally, in which case, presumably the same thing they do anywhere else.

4. Now, that's interesting. What gave you that idea? I'm curious.

Anyway I wouldn't call it "fucking." We're escalating our romantic involvement, I guess you'd say. No, wait. You'd probably say something else. It's working great.

I'm guessing from things I've gathered here and there that the same is not true in your universe.

5. Engaged in long-distance mutual masturbation with my favorite Vulcan. Think phone sex, without the bills.

Do I even want to know what you did?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I'm just taking a fucking survey. I got the shitting baseline with my Chapel already.

1. Careful work with a dermal regenerator and a steady fucking patient hand.

And, eh, I don't know. Can decide if you're so goddamn pretty because of the symmetry or something else.

2. Really? That's a damn shame to hear.

3. Motherfucker, bored-ass bastard, off-duty-shiftless cocksucker.

4. I was reading your questions meme - people ask you some goddamn boring shit, man - and y'all was flirting like men who've fucked each other before.

"Escalating your romantic involvement"? I didn't take you for that kind of fucking pussy.

5. Long-distance mutual masturbation. I guess that "romantic escalation" ain't escalated enough to include a fucking friendly blowjob then.

I went down to visit our Kirk in the brig. He's all gaunt and he spends most of his time weakly moaning. It's fucking hot.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

1. I think I'm flattered. Let me know when you figure it out.

3. So, you, in other words? Probably drinking and brawling, though that gets you told off by me or some other hard-ass. Did you run out of porn?

4. Yes, and your questions are so illuminating. We're flirting like men working up to fucking, for the record. If we were fucking, I'd say so. If we were making love, I'd say that, too. Bones and I have been friends for a long time. He's not the type to jump right into friendly blowjobs. That'd be me.

5. I'm not exactly confining myself to my hand, buddy. Spicy variety, etc.

I'll certainly treasure that mental image. Thank you.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

1. You can be goddamn sure that I will.

3. Not much of a brawler here, Golden Boy. I'll fuck some shit up as well as the next asshole in a fight but it ain't exactly what I'd call fun.

4. They may not be illuminating but at least they aren't fucking lame.

I'm just saying, you want to fucking escalate, you need to suck the shine right out of his fucking eyes through his dick.

5. Didn't take you for a shitting philanderer.

I know I'll goddamn treasure it. But I'll have vid footage to help with that, too.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

3. I didn't exactly mean you--I don't know what you'd do for fun in my world that wouldn't land you in the brig. I enjoy sex, novels, sparring, and chess. We have extensive recreational facilities on board that I don't have time to use.

4. Your crassly poetic imagery aside... I just might.

5. Is that respect or condemnation? It's an old-fashioned view, in any event. I'm not doing anything under false pretenses or cavalierly. They know what they're getting. Would you keep this all to yourself?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

3. All you assholes seem to think you've got me pegged. I enjoy novels. I enjoy old-Earth classical music. I enjoy sketching. Just because I also fucking enjoy my goddamn work, y'all all want to judge me.

No time for recreation? I imagine your McCoy has already lectured you on the importance of down time and stress-relieving activities.

4. Tested and tried, I'm fucking tell you. Let me know how it works.

5. Y'all're all on the same page, then I take it back. Nothing worse than a fucking cheater.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

3. I didn't start out judging you. I started out from your hypothetical "motherfucker." Which I didn't take for an affectionate or self-referential moniker straight off.

He lectures me about salad, mostly. And exercise. I swear, between him and Spock, neither wants me to have any fun that's not horizontal. Not that I mind that part.

5. I could not agree with you more. Not that it's any of your business, but I've made it quite clear that I'd be equally happy with another, more traditional arrangement. But if there's truly no objection, I don't see why I should restrict myself, given the opportunity and desire.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

3. Maybe we just got off the wrong fucking foot with you scolding me over on your porno meme.

Any rate, two goddamn words for you: finger foods. The fucking that results will count as exercise and even you can manage some vegetables if they're fucking foreplay, am I right?

5. That's real fucking progressive of you. Communication is goddamn key and all that.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

3. That's my job. It's nothing personal. I stand by the scolding, but it doesn't mean we can be civil.

It's not that I don't like vegetables. It's that they do not constitute a meal in and of themselves. Meals have things like steak and potatoes and cake. But you have a point.

5. I'm very lucky. Sounds like you've had some negative experiences. I'm sorry to hear that.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

3. Civility is the last fucking refuge of the damned, or so my mama always fucking said.

I'm not going to argue with you - fucking steak is awesome. But you might try working a little goddamn broccoli into your diet, keep you spry and energetic. I'm saying finger foods so it don't feel like work.

5. Eh, don't you goddamn spare a worry for me, Golden Boy. Not my way to let the fuckheads get me down.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

3. What is that even supposed to mean? Manners don't mean much in and of themselves, but being able to converse without insult facilitates a lot that does.

Look, I never said I don't like broccoli or don't eat it. I merely object to seeing a plate of vegetables as a meal. Whole and entire. Vegetables are a side dish, an appetizer. Why does everyone think I'm going to get fat?

5. I can see that. You seem rather lonely, though.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

3. Means we're all just fucking fiddling while Rome is burning. Bread and circuses, etc., etc., fucking etc..

Men reach a certain age, lot of them thicken up around the middle. Matter of fucking biology. My medical opinion don't care if you get fat, but you better eat goddamn healthfully.

5. I've had more company to my name, that is fucking true.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

3. That's quite the perspective you have. I'm glad I don't share it.

Your concern, like everyone else's, is duly noted.

5. Don't you like anyone on that ship?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

5. Ship full of rank-climbers. Nothing but the fucking best and brightest for fucking Pike, Golden Boy. I don't entirely dislike them - but they ain't my fucking friends. Can't be - too many of them trying for my job or looking to be owed a favor by someone who wants my job.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Then, aside from being the best and the brightest, why are you there? Or is that reason enough?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I've got my flaws, I'll fucking admit that. But I'm the best goddamn doctor in the shitting 'Fleet and Pike knows it. And I owe him a favor now. He likes that.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Look, whatever else, you're CMO McCoy, and that puts me in no doubt of your skills. I just meant your personal reasons for being there.