Motherfucking goddamn cuntrag shitface tribbles

[sharpestscalpel]

I tell you goddamn what: If I find out just who the motherfucker is who brought a goddamn shit-stinking TRIBBLE on board this goddamn ship, I will light his shit-producing asshole on fire with an old-fucking-fashioned flare.

That incandescent fire shit will burn the fuck out of the tender bits.

Ass-sucking, dick-snot, fuckmouths can't listen to a goddamn thing without it falling out the fucking ear hole they got fucked in the night before.

Fuck.

One bitchcakes tribble turned into 13 - I've got the population under fucking control now but holy fucking fuck on a fucking fuck stick. Never figured I'd be reduced to performing fucking abortions on goddamn tribbles but what do you want from me?

Got about five of the little pussy-impersonators left. Got some ideas - things ain't got gender, things ain't got lots of fucking things. Figure I can cut them open and take a closer look. Good times for me.

Comments

[ephram-green.livejournal.com]

I'm going to have to agree with you on hurting the person who brought a tribble aboard. Those things are dangerous.

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

It is evident in 367 individual instances that creatures with such prolific breeding ratios are often either: a) prone to death after a very short duration of life or, b) nutritionally rich.

As the average lifespan of a tribble is 5.6 Terran years, it can be assumed it is not the former. Perhaps it is the latter?

I cannot verify this, but I have been told that species of high nutritional value are frequently delicious.

To waste is illogical.

[headnursechapel.livejournal.com]

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

...

That's a fucking interesting point, Cheeks.

I got me a little bbq set-up in the back of the Sickbay.... I might try this out. Little fuckers are goddamn furry but if I can't skin a shitting tribble, I might be ashamed to look at myself in the mirror.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

They ain't dangerous unless you keep your fucking food stores in easily accessible areas which we fucking do not do. But they are pains in my ass.

[ephram-green.livejournal.com]

Still. They're like...space cockroaches. I wonder why they evolved to be born pregnant.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Aw, Babylights - the fate of the poor goddamn tribbles making you wibble in your pretty blue panties?

[nawigator]

B-but they are cute and fluffy. Surely, you can not hurt cute and fluffy animals?

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

I am uncertain if I should wish you luck in your endeavor.

... But, as Luck is an inconsequential reference to animatism, and therefore nonexistent, there can be no harm in me wishing it to you.

I would appreciate any notable information you discover.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Don't take an evolutionary fucking biologist to answer that one, Fed-fuck.

Being fucking born preggers ups the likelihood they'll give birth in time for some of their goddamn offspring to fucking survive.

[iss-eyeliner.livejournal.com]

They're excellent in stew. I recommend you try it sometime, sweet stuff.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

You give me 15 to skin it and another 20-30 to roast me up some meat, I'll let you know directly.

Wonder what sort of marinade might be advisable....

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Aw, Peaches - it won't hurt them none, I promise. I'll be all humane-like.

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

Your timetable is reasonable.

As to marinade: I have no experience in this aspect of the culinary realm. I have been informed that alcohol often aids in the overall flavor, but am uncertain if that opinion is directly related.

[nawigator]

But you said you vhere going to cut them up. How is that humane?

[headnursechapel.livejournal.com]

I was reacting more to your language, actually.

I certainly understand the importance of scientific dissections, especially of species we know little about. And, sadly, the importance of keeping populations of Tribbles tightly controlled, especially in enclosed environments.

I'm sure you gave the tribbles a quick and merciful death.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I have a variety of fucking options if we're soaking it in liquor. Huh - maybe a beer batter and then frying them.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Well, that's after they're dead, Precious Girl. And they lack some essential nerve endings when they're alive anyway. Don't mean they don't feel pain but you can poke at them a certain amount without hurting them.

Or so I am finding.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

My colorful fucking language making your pert little ears burn up?

Bet you come like a fucking earthquake with some goddamn dirty talk in the, ah, moment.

And, yeah - I ain't one for fucking torture of little fuzzy animals.

[nawigator]

And doubtlessly you hawe to test their upper pain limits to make sure that you hawe a control for your experiments.

Just try to be gentel vith them, please?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Science is a harsh master there, ain't it? I'll be as good as I can be to them, I tell you that. And if I can figure out a sterilization process, I'll keep at least one around in my office.

Tribbles ain't fucking puppies but they purr real nice.

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

I have experienced this form of cooking on occasion, it is quite delicious.

If the consistency of the meat is curious, however, the addition of it to oil might prove...inappropriate as a cooking solution.

[headnursechapel.livejournal.com]

...

I don't see how that's any of your business.

I am glad to hear that you have some limits, however.

[loyalty-ever.livejournal.com]

...They make fantastic sandwiches.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Huh. Little fucker skinned right tidy. Like taking off a sea urchin shell, kind of. Or peeling an apple whole.

Though, to be fucking honest, I'll just eat the motherfucking skin on an apple.

Any rate - no bones. Got a similar consistency to kushel, of all goddamn things, at least raw.