Curiosity killed the fucking cat. Doing some goddamn memes brought it back.

[sharpestscalpel]

Or something to that fucking effect.

Little Peaches gave me some questions because some other fuckers were too pussy to do it.

1. Vhat are the most important lessons you've learned in life?

I believe I goddamn already posted this the other fucking day. Worth repeating though. If it's wet and sticky and not your own, don't touch it. There are some sub-lessons about proper glove handling procedures and inoculation on a regular basis for various blood-born pathogens and flesh-eating shit, but you want the short version, that's it.

2. Vhere is the furthest avay from home you hawe ewer been?

I get a little bit further from home every minute, Peaches.

3. Is there anything you hawe done vhich you regret?

There was this little rat-faced shit terrier that our neighbor had when I was growing up. I still regret not breaking that dog's fucking neck. I still have a scar from where that cunt-rag mutt bit me.

4. Vhat is the funniest joke you ewer heard?

I think it's a tie between:

Two baby seals walk into a club.

and

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, milk, dead baby, blender.

5. Vhat has been the proudest moment of your life?

I'm a modest soul. You might could get me drunk enough to talk about it one day though. Feed some Romulan ale and then ask me about the time I almost got myself into some deep shit on the Romulan home world, okay?

Y'all want some goddamn questions, fucking say so, pussies.

Comments

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

Most fascinating. Though I understand the play on words that forms the basic vernacular of the human joke, I, regrettably, cannot ascertain why those two jokes are funny.

I attribute this to cultural dissimilarity. Particularly as jokes on this network appear to default to the killing of small mammals, homo-sapien or otherwise, with regular frequency.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Well, Cheeks, jokes aren't fucking funny if you have to explain them but I'll give it a goddamn effort.

Old Earth fashion trends called for the fur of small mammals - it was a mark of luxury, you know? And baby seals are pure white and goddamn soft like a fucking baby's ass. You couldn't shoot them or spear them or you'd fuck up the hide. So hunters would club them. The grammatical construction reckons that there is humorous tension between the usual "walked into a club" joke construction by which a club is a gathering establishment characterized by alcohol, short skirts, and loud music and the harkening back to seal hunting.

The second is just goddamn funny. But also dependent upon linguistic tension. A float is a Terran dessert beverage, generally involving some sort of ice cream and some sort of fucking soda. My personal favorite is Coke. Fuck rootbeer. So, a dead baby would usually float, given the characteristics of dead bodies, but you play on that word float, see?

You want some questions or what, Cheeks?

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

Ah, those are most interesting and humorous anecdotes, Doctor McCoy. I appreciate the explanation.

I would willingly share any information you wished to know, but this format is ideal for the quick exchange of parcels of knowledge.

In short, certainly.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

You bet, Cheeks. I'm an open book if you got questions yourself.

1. What's your type?
2. It logical to assume your universe is full of pussy where we've got a bunch of dick running around?
3. That a correct assumption?
4. You drink, Cheeks?
5. What's your favorite yoga pose and why?

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

1. Lithe, flexible, and with oral sensitivity. I do not have a type, I am equal opportunity. Mostly.

2. Yes, it would seem logical given the general trends of my experience.

3. Yes, my native reality does appear to have a significantly higher ratio of females to males.

4. I drink. I presume, however, you are referring to the consumption of alcohol. I have been known to do this on occasion.

5. Kapotasana. Among other things, the angle permits the free flow of oxygen and blood.

As you are not of the current reality I am occupying, I have to alter my questions.

1. If you are anything like my native McCoy, you drink. What is your preferred beverage?
2. Was that assumption illogical and offensive?
3. What are your opinions of this particular plane of reality and the individuals aboard this Enterprise?
4. What is your favorite yoga pose and why?
5. Is there anything of note you would care to add?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

1. Thought that might be the case. There's this bar on Klomack III you might like. If it exists in your reality.

2. Glad to know my logic is still in order.

3. Sounds hot.

4. Circumstances ever permit, we'll have to go drinking together then.

5. Pigeon pose, nice. Good extension of the hip flexors, that one. Among other things.

Questions for me - that's goddamn considerate of you, Cheeks.

1. Ideal situation, bartender'd serve me some old-fashioned, 60-year Macallan. Very well composed when it ages that long.
2. I'm harder to offend than all of that.
3. My experience with those folk is limited, you understand. I only got this one-way window there, you know? But I'd say half of 'em are about as dangerous and interesting as a stupid fucking 3-year-old and the rest are trying too hard to puff up and be tough guys like they got to impress me from a distance. They want to measure, I'll whip it out but this dandy posturing is getting old.
4. I end my day with some fucking Tittibhasana, every fucking day. Stretches the groin and keeps me balanced. Balance (and preventing groin pulls) is important.
5. I'm betting you're bored as fuck over there, inasmuch as you'll admit to being bored.