Goddamnfuckshittingcuntface

[sharpestscalpel]

Chekov can't hold the con by himself. Uhura is helping, just to keep some semblance of peace, while Sulu is still recovering. Usually, an attempt like that would have ended with him dead or in the brig instead of in my sickbay, but with Pike and that goddamn pointy-eared bastard gone, the chain of command has gone to hell.

Word has reached the rest of the crew that we're dead in the water. Well, dead in the vacuum at least. Which is not an image of comfort. Nor should it be; space is disease and danger wrapped up in darkness and silence - what the fuck did these little dipshits expect?

And did they expect the Empire to gift wrap them like fine fucking crystal before sending them out into the void? Everyone's all squeamish just because Sulu has weeping patches of skin infection. I told him to take care of those grafts but no. He figured it'd be just goddamn peachy to fuck some tail and completely ignore that the fluid barrier is just good sense. You don't go rubbing someone else's wet stuff in your own damaged tissue.

I mean, for fuck's sake, I thought it was a well-known rule:

If it's wet and sticky and not your own, don't touch it.

Or at least don't be surprised when you pick up some nice little foreign bacteria and they start eating your flesh.

Which reminds me, I need a booster vaccine against blood-born pathogens and the rest of the crew need their shots. Now's as good a time as any.

Comments

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I'll explain it to you later.

Clarity, right. "Bends over for Pike" means that he, on a regular basis, is fucked up the ass by our esteemed captain without getting to enjoy the reciprocal position because Pike has a tender asshole or some shit like that.

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

I see, that is a most curious arrangement.

Thank you, Doctor McCoy for that clarification. I will note it in my logs.

Do you have any specific data or testimonial you would like to addend to my notes? As you are a local of your particular plane of reality, I would be most interested in transcribing a statement.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Not off the top of my head, but you got any questions, you let me know. I'm an open motherfucking book.

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

That is most unfortunate, but should I formulate any particular questions, I shall present them to you.

Thank you for your cooperation, Doctor.

Live long and prosper.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

You do that, Cheeks. And you come around, I'll eat you out like we were both on an all-girl softball team.

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

As a Vulcanoid, I do not participate in traditional team sports. The inherent density of my musculature unbalances the competitive statistics to severe degree.

If by eating me out you are implying the physical act of cunnilingus, it is an offer I must politely decline. Despite the relative unlikelihood of my ability to come around, it is morally ambiguous to engage in sexual activity with those whom I am acquiring scientific data from.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Like a slice of watermelon.

And, I hate to point it out, but you've got a bit of a dangling preposition there. You might want to take care of that before you go shaming all of Vulcan with your grammar.

[science-blues.livejournal.com]

Indeed.

Your correction has been noted, Doctor. I will endeavor to use less questionable syntax in the future.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Always glad to help a pointy-eared bastard.