Curiosity killed the fucking cat. Doing some goddamn memes brought it back.

[sharpestscalpel]

Or something to that fucking effect.

Little Peaches gave me some questions because some other fuckers were too pussy to do it.

1. Vhat are the most important lessons you've learned in life?

I believe I goddamn already posted this the other fucking day. Worth repeating though. If it's wet and sticky and not your own, don't touch it. There are some sub-lessons about proper glove handling procedures and inoculation on a regular basis for various blood-born pathogens and flesh-eating shit, but you want the short version, that's it.

2. Vhere is the furthest avay from home you hawe ewer been?

I get a little bit further from home every minute, Peaches.

3. Is there anything you hawe done vhich you regret?

There was this little rat-faced shit terrier that our neighbor had when I was growing up. I still regret not breaking that dog's fucking neck. I still have a scar from where that cunt-rag mutt bit me.

4. Vhat is the funniest joke you ewer heard?

I think it's a tie between:

Two baby seals walk into a club.

and

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, milk, dead baby, blender.

5. Vhat has been the proudest moment of your life?

I'm a modest soul. You might could get me drunk enough to talk about it one day though. Feed some Romulan ale and then ask me about the time I almost got myself into some deep shit on the Romulan home world, okay?

Y'all want some goddamn questions, fucking say so, pussies.

Comments

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I'll tell you about, Ears, why the fuck not? Y'all know about the shitting horta yet or do I need to go into that backstory first?

You gutted them with that pointy thing hanging from the shit-smeared ceiling? I knew I liked you.

[mirror-brightly.livejournal.com]

I am a miner. In space. Do you think there is the slightest possibility I don't know that nohhua fvadt creature?

It was rather satisfying.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

So, there's this fucking deep cover agent on the Romulan home world, right? And she's gone all goddamn native because, I guess, you give a human pointy ears and green blood and they forget what color their blood is supposed to be.

Anyway, she's all forgotten her allegiances and the Empire isn't going to sit on that, right? So there's this whole thing and I'm goddamn "captured" like I'm some sort of prize or whatnot. Appears I've been declared a criminal on the homeworld and there's a bounty and blah blah blah.

Eventually, I sort that shit out and then go to stand "trial" which really means listening to them bellyache about war crimes and torture and inhumane acts as if they're human or some bullshit. Right about the time they get around to thinking about what they want to do with my intestines to decorate their Christmas trees, the ensign shitting horta that got himself plummeted to the planet surface finished burrowing under the Senate floor. He busts up through all that fucking white marble and they start losing their shit, stinking up the place even more than it already smells.

I beat in a few faces and equip myself with some weaponry and leave some scorch marks on the walls for them to remember me by. The rest of the extraction is more classified than I'm supposed to know exists but it motherfucking happened to me so they can go fuck themselves in the ear about that.

So, proudest moment, right? This ensign asshole horta is jumping up and eating away at all these pussy screaming senators with his whole acid gig, right? While that's going on, I start patting my pockets, looking for my knife. And I find... The head senator's daughter has slipped her comm unit number into my pocket.

She was a pretty little piece. Shame I never got back to that neck of the universe, actually.

[mirror-brightly.livejournal.com]

I can imagine the carnage.

Now that would have been satisfying. Much more than knifing them on a transporter pad.

Though now that I think about it, that was probably a different group of dha'rudh senators.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Every now and then I dream about. It's awesome, Ears.

Temporal and transdimensional differences being what they are, probably. Still, senators being senators, I like the idea of them dying twice.