The real party is in my pants but you are invited to the one in my fucking sickbay for starters

[sharpestscalpel]

Got a message from 'Fleet command today, looking for Pike and what the hell is he doing and blah blah Empire business blah.

Uhura handled it before Chekov could flub it. Those two are turning into a dangerous pair. I've had three castrations to, well, it ain't like you can re-attach that shit when it's been pulverized. Chekov does some dirty fucking work, man. Good kid.

Other than that, ain't nothing going down. I figured we'd be seeing hell and weird shit after that whole scene in the brig but Enterprise has been quiet lately and Kirk is hanging on just as tight as he can to keeping his breathing and his beating fucking heart inside his fucking body.

Time to bust out some music, I think. Make the nurses dance a bit. It ain't easy to shake your fucking ass to Tom Waits but that ain't exactly my fucking problem, now is it?

Comments

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

I would say something about making nurses dance? But I'm mostly just weirded out that you guys have Tom Waits over there.

Hell, this song is weird. You often shake your fucking ass, doctor?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Billcakes, you got Tom Waits over there? Can't be all bad, then.

And, yeah, I've been known.

In the Biblical sense. But also in the sense that, yeah, I fucking shake my ass when moved to do so by the godddamn beat.

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

Yeah - apparently he, too, exists in several universes simultaneously. Ho-hum.

You know, I'm trying, but I can't seem to dance to this song. I keep falling into this sort of funereal rut.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Good for fucking him.

And, you know, yeah, this one's a damn challenge - but the nurses get complacent if all I ever fucking play them is techno.

It helps to bepretend to be drunk. Get a little goddamn stagger going on.

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

Okay, I've tried pretending to be drunk. It just results in this kind of - what'dyoucallit - booty shaking action, which I'm not sure is too appropriate to the song. Still, it's kind of fun. It's probably good for my abs or something.

I just keep envisaging all these zombie nurses swaying about the ward to this. Shaking their undead booties.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

You want zombie nurses, Billcakes, I will fucking give you zombie nurses.



That ain't my sickbay but, goddamn, a man can dream.

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

Oh my fucking God.

I am turning this off immediately before it turns me on and I have to question just what the fuck this universe has done to me.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

I'm going to take that as you fucking like it then.

*laugh*

It's possible I could get Chapel to put the fucking bag on her head but she seems to not goddam trust my pure motives and artistic intentions.

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

I do wonder why. Maybe she's scared that when she puts the bag on her head, she'll no longer be able to watch her own ass and then you'll be able to watch it without supervision? Just a suggestion.

I really don't think we have any nurses here who'd want to dance like this, but hey, that is what Youtube is for. Apparently. Undead nurses dancing, on tap.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Oh, I watch her goddamn ass without supervision all the time. Those skirts are fucking short.

Hot and cold running nurses, man. I love the damn sub-space network.

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

Yeah....they really are. I do kind of wonder sometimes, how come 1960s fashion is still prevailing in the 23rd century. But then some girl walks past in a minidress and, you know how it is.

Not that I have a thing for nurses as you apparently do.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Fashion seems, from my under-educated-on-the-subject perspective, to cycle back around. It's probably been the damn 1960s several damn dozen times since you actually lived in the fuckers.

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

You're right.

I hope to God I never have to live through another leggings phase, though. Lycra is a privilege, not a right.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

They're fucking comfortable, though, Billcakes. Never tried them?

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I wouldn't actually have said 'comfortable'. More 'embarrassing'.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

BRB DYING OF LOL

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

AND THIS IS WHY I HATE LEGGINGS.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Okay, now, see...

That's not what I'm talking about, Billcakes.

I don't even fucking know what that was all about there but....

Listen, I don't seem to have a goddamn adequate response so let's just pretend I didn't fucking download that just in case it ever comes in fucking useful. I mean, I have damn bad days some days and we all need things that make us laugh, right?

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

That is a pair of leggings, right there. Ask Jim. Apparently those are fucking Starfleet regulation. I have no idea what people were thinking.

And yeah, yeah, whatever. I know. They would probably be hilarious if they didn't still make me cringe. And they chafed, too.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Your fucking Starfleet is doing leggings WRONG.

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

Not my fucking Starfleet, bucko. I am not a member of any fleets.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

So fucking weird.

Golden Boy's Starfleet, then - they are fucking doing goddamn leggings wrong.

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

Well, how do you do leggings?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Little more like this:

[canadianbill.livejournal.com]

...I could be convinced by those leggings. The boots, too.

I hope you realise you're giving me, like, a facial hair kink. I really have no way around this one.