sharpestscalpel

I don't get these fucking Writer's Block questions. What the shit is up with those shitting goddamn things? Bunch of pussy-assed, yes-or-no questions masquerading as writing prompts? The fuck?

Now, it's fucking true as shitting hell that I ain't no cunt-faced English major. But even I understand that you don't give some jackass twatbreath a yes-or-no question if you're trying to shitting prompt them to goddamn write.

What the fucking hell, people? I tell you goddamn what.

You run out of fucking thoughts? I don't run out of shitting thoughts. Mind like a goddamn shark mouth, with the teeth that just keep growing forward in fucking rows. One thought falls the fuck out, fucking lily-face BAM, another fucking thought grows the shitting hell in its place.

Like, I don't give a fuck about eating fucking lunch with famous shitting dead people. What the hell is that all the fuck about? I got me some better things to do with dead people, if you must fucking know the truth about that goddamn matter.

I got me a Writer's Block topic for y'all: describe will significant fucking detail how you organize your goddamn porn and discuss why that shitting system of organization works for you.

Look the fuck at that. Complete sentence and there's even a motherfucking colon - not a wussy little pussy semi-colon neither. A goddamn motherfucking colon. Not the fucking organ, either, you smart-assed, couldn't-jerk-off-in-a-pussy-parade pedantic assholes.

I tell you how I got my organization set up and I'll tell you it gets fucking boring as shit in the deep shitting black between planetary systems so a man - or a fucking woman or what the fuck ever because everyone likes porn and don't you try to say otherwise you narrow sexist motherfuckers - has a little time on his hands can't be filled up jerking his cock. A little organizational work spends more than a few fucking minutes.

Now, Mondays ain't historically a good day for me. It's a fucking day for foreplay and some shit because, motherfucking frankly, I'm tired as shit from the weekend. And the anticipation of prolonged foreplay and delayed satisfaction is also to be highly shitting recommended and I do recommend you goddamn try it the hell out sometime. So, I got me my Monday porn. That's a category for voyeurism, some barely legal shit, college coeds gone wild, that sort of weak-shit titilation.

Tuesdays are more for some hardcore fucking. We got Monday under our shitting belt - let's continue to get below the belt; that's a fucking metaphor, by the goddamn way. Tuesdays is for all fucking oral, all the goddamn time.

I got my Wednesdays set aside - over the fucking hump as my granny used to say - for humping. That's when the frottage and the dry humping and the glory holes and the other fucking sexy non-penetrative sex tapes get the most play. Don't got to be in the pussy - well, or the fucking ass for that matter - for it to be fucking, y'all remember that when someone asks if you fucking had sex with that intern, y'all. Tit-fucking totally counts.

Sometimes the monkey gets a little goddamn tired of being spanked - that's why I schedule some damn down time for Thursdays. That's when I damn well moisturize all proper and attend to skin care and hair removal. Hygeine is fucking sexy as hell. And you can't look at goddamn porn all the fucking time.

Friday is a goddamn pain in my ass at work and I'm usually too tired to deal with other fucking people. There's a substantial collection of jerk-off videos that are choice. The Romulans got some especially excellent series for this fucking category. Those pointy-eared bastards got some big green fucking cocks, I tell you goddamn what. Real pretty, too. I tend more towards the goddamn male action in the masturbation vids just because a lot of the goddamn sex toys women are using in vids these days scare the shit out of me - like giant fucking robot dildoes are going to come and kill us all by fucking us in the ass unrelentingly as long as their power supply holds out or some fucking shit. I don't goddamn know. I'm a fingers and tongue kind of man when it comes to the pussy, though I'll apply a little creative basic mechanical engineering if it comes fucking goddamn down to it because if your partner ain't getting off then you're a fucking asshole who needs to take your head out of your damn anal passage long enough to do right by them.

Anyway.

Goddamn Saturdays are lazy; that's the day I go in for some cock-and-ball torture, some bondage play, some power dynamic all up and down and sideways shit. There's time to stage dress on a fucking Saturday. Tuesday night, you're busy. You got shifts to pull and dinner to fucking fix and all that bullshit. Saturdays, you got more time to work your way into the latex body suit, is all I'm saying.

Sunday was made the day of rest for a reason - choking the goddamn chicken on a Sunday ain't a sin but it'll tire you out sure as hell for goddamn Monday. I like to moisturize proper again and make sure my hair removal is still in order.

So, that's my fucking cataloging system. I got me a fucking high sex drive. How's that for a goddamn Writer's Block?