Detente

[sharpestscalpel]

It had chaffed at first. Jocelyn had left him to rot, pissed as hell about the kid. He’d mulled over vivid revenge fantasies until, the first time he saw her afterwards, he’d had to clench his fists in his pockets so they wouldn’t reach out of their own accord and settle over her fine collarbones and reel her in for a taste old-fashioned McCoy justice like spit in her eye.

But in the end, he hadn’t blamed her. She was a conniver and he hadn’t ever been as willing a participant in her scheme as she’d have liked. Jocelyn had deserved a shot a making it on her own terms. She’d taken that chance.

She hadn’t done half-bad for herself, McCoy had to admit. But then, neither had he. Especially considering where Pike had found him. Every day spent in solitary – it had worn on him, made him tired and angry and hungry for hurting things in ways he’d never been on the outside.

Pike had come, waving a shiny new medical license and a Fleet uniform, an offer too good to pass up. CMO of the Fleet’s fancy new darling of a flagship or shitting his bed out of boredom inside four walls with no windows? At least in space he’d see the stars.

The stars and pretty little officers all dressed up like they were real shitting captains. Uhura strode over to his table, tiny body full of energy and violence in a way that made her extra appealing to look at, and took the other seat without asking.

“McCoy, what the hell?” Uhura hadn’t really counted on Kirk coming back. She surveyed the emaciated man – she’d teased him about his slim hips but this was ridiculous – sitting slightly behind the doctor, watching everything from those haunted blue eyes.

Uhura was the one chaffing now, all the power she’d thought she had coming with a ride-along, circumscribed from being absolute. She had the ship. But McCoy had his sickbay. And she’d eventually need it, need him. Pike had given McCoy more than he’d expected – but he’d still fucked them both because they were stuck with each other.

“You want to make this an official conversation, we can take it back to your office… Captain.” The pause was significant, not quite insulting but certainly not currying favor.

Her headshake was minimal but definite. Their dependence on one another wasn’t known – and she’d prefer to keep it that way. McCoy had never made a play for power that Uhura knew of but he’d have all of her enemies rallying behind him if the stalemate became common knowledge.

“Kirk.” Uhura acknowledged him at least. He had his rank, she’d checked the computer records. He’d need McCoy to clear him for duty before he could set foot on the bridge and even then Uhura wasn’t about to trust the blond man. But it wasn’t entirely unpleasant to see him alive, especially if being in the good doctor’s care mean McCoy had something invested in him. There was some sort of opportunity here, she just had to sniff it out.

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[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

He'd been wondering, of course. Wondering if he'd be allowed to maintain any control in this, if he'd be allowed to show off, to show McCoy what he could do, to make the asshole wish he wasn't just watching.

He wasn't just watching. Kirk could feel the heat of him behind him, as he held still, waiting. He'd lost his gag reflex long ago and McCoy had given him fair warning and he'd relaxed as much as he could. Like falling off a bike. M'Benga was big and Kirk could feel the saliva start to pool, the strain of holding still building. Part of him felt some triumph, that McCoy's interest was still there, feverish on his scalp. Part of him wanted to press back against him, but that wasn't the game, was it? But he could show off this way, too. Because whatever else, whether he fought or gave in, he had a choice. And choosing to submit was not giving in. Choosing to play along kept him in the game.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

McCoy nodded to M'Benga who began fucking Kirk's mouth in earnest, still silent, always silent.

But not McCoy. He crooned behind Kirk's ear.

"I'm looking out for you. You think Scotty won't remember shit because he's drunk? That fucker ain't been sober since he was shit out of his mama's cunt. He'll remember and if we ain't lucky, he'll wonder, and he'll look a bit closer at the what all's been going on. That man just wants his ship but if he thinks Uhura plans to take the whole thing? He'll fucking blow us all to fucking dust for spite. I can't tell you shit if you can't be trusted to keep your trap trapped, Blue, what other choice I got?"

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

Kirk took it in, all of it, his lips and throat stretching around flesh, McCoy fucking his ear at the same time with little puffs of air and that bourbon-laced voice. Kind and understanding, for his own good. Kirk recognized the type. It'd all be for his own good, every last bit of it, McCoy his personal fucking physician. If he hadn't slipped up today, McCoy would have found some other excuse for this, for this silent hulking fucker and his hard, unsubtle cock pistoning in and out even as McCoy's fingers in his hair were like a pleasant reminder, a polite message that yes, he would let this dumb fuck fuck his face and anything else he told him to.

He was trapped between the two rhythms, words and prick, pinned and primed and all he could do was take it in. Couldn't say yes or no, couldn't do anything but brace himself and relax and take his lesson--part of him, fleetingly, wondering why McCoy wasn't giving it himself.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

"I want to trust you, Jimmy-boy. You got to give me reason though or it ain't going to fucking happen."

M'Benga was an asshole, cramming his dick as far down Kirk's throat as he could get as though he'd never have another mouth at his beck and call for the rest of his damn life. Shit-face didn't deserve what McCoy was offering him.

"You want to disagree with me, you want to ask questions, you just hold them - hold them behind your damn teeth until we got a minute to ourselves and I'll tell you what I can, what you need to know. You just keep it to yourself in public, Jimmy-boy, you understand that? You understand that, you let me know somehow."

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

Fucking annoying, not being about to work. Went against M'Benga's interests, too, not giving Kirk any room. Man wanted that, he could use any damn hole, didn't even have to be sentient. So he couldn't operate, couldn't move his hands from the man's thighs for fear of whiplash, couldn't use his tongue, couldn't do anything but open wide and stand in as a fucking receptacle.

Jimmy-boy.

If it was McCoy in his mouth, McCoy's cock hard and insistent between his lips, Kirk just bet he could show him. He'd let him know, lips and tongue and a hint of teeth. He bet McCoy would like that. His fingers fluttered in Kirk's hair and he understood, he did, he understood survival and laying low. He just jumped the gun sometimes. And this, as punishment, this was sweet. This was patience itself. The lessons Kirk had been forced to learn had, for the most part, been just that. Force. And sure, there was this fucker trying to force his goddamn latent gag reflex, but McCoy's voice at his ear was almost a plea for understanding. Hypnotized, suspended, Kirk fell into it. He understood.

But he couldn't move his hands, couldn't nod, couldn't form words and any vocalization was just as likely to be a choke. So, unthinking, he eased back, his upper half remaining in place as his lower fit itself against McCoy. Deliberate and almost inviting.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Kirk was good, such a good one. McCoy curled close closer right up close against Kirk until they were pressed tight against each other firm enough for McCoy to feel the effort it was taking Kirk not to rock and sway from the force of M'Benga's thrusts.

McCoy's lips brushed the edge of Kirk's ear. "I believe you, Jimmy-boy."

Then he was pulling his head back to command, 'That's about enough of that, goddamn you're an asshole fucking his face like that."

The large man's grip tightened on Kirk's head before he threw himself backwards and away, cock angry and engorged. But his mouth was still silent. He really had learned his lesson.

Hell, he had to give him credit for that much at least. "Geoff, go back to your quarters. Clean up and next time I see you, you better fucking be prepared to do some goddamn doctoring."

The man stared for a moment, then scrambled to his feet, panties still askew, dress hiked up, and ran from the room.

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

Kirk stared after him for a moment, M'Benga suddenly ridiculous, a puppet for McCoy to toy with. There was certainly a strange element of vindication in seeing it, in hearing him admonished, in (though he could not know it) being McCoy's instrument.

But they were still pressed up together, Kirk's signal apparently more than satisfactory, and he wondered if it was going to happen now. If McCoy was going to take whatever it was he'd been wanting. Kirk's lips were red and swollen from the abuse and he licked them, waiting. He didn't feel beaten. He felt proud. Part of a team. What did it cost him to remain silent? What did it matter, when he could see a future stretching before him where he could say whatever the fuck he wanted, if he just held his tongue for now?

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

McCoy supported Kirk's body, caught and tempted - but it wasn't the time yet, Kirk wasn't asking for it, thought he wouldn't mind it but didn't actively want it yet. And this wasn't the place. Still, he'd give Kirk something small, a reminder, something to dwell on.

His hands shifted, sensitive fingers rubbing circles over Kirk's protruding hip bones. "You did so good, Jimmy-boy. You're going go as far as I can send you, you'd best just bet. Jos'll think you're a goddamn treat, she will." He kissed the back of Kirk's neck, soft and warm imprint of his lips on skin that was coming back to life.

He gave Kirk a few more crooning noises of approval before he moved them, helping Kirk to his feet and making sure he was steady. "You look fucked out. My other business can hold; we'll head back home now." Always considerate, always kind.

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

Kirk regarded him silently for a moment, natural distrust at the kindness, the caresses, at war with his hunger for the attention. He was only aware of the former, but his conflict was evident. He did not like that McCoy seemed to think of him as a pet, to be punished and rewarded at his will. But then again, Kirk had decided to go along with him, to accept his protection, in the absence of other opportunities. And yet, he could not entirely suppress his gratitude at being let off so easily, at the prospect of rest, of a safe space.

He could still feel McCoy's lips on his neck, not arousing per se but a lingering tingle, and felt a renewal of his confusion. Why was McCoy holding back? He hadn't in the brig, he perverse delight in what he saw acted upon from the safety of the hallway. Now he had Kirk entirely at his mercy (if he chose to exert it) and thus far his liberties had been minimal. Kirk didn't understand. Unless McCoy only got off on watching, on himself. Maybe that was it.

"I don't need to be coddled," he said, a reaction against his pleasure at McCoy's approval. "I know I fucked up, but I'm not a child."

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

"I figured you for a child, you wouldn't be much of my concern, Blue. I don't coddle."

It was with matter of fact attitude that he opened the door, waited for Kirk to pass through it in a display of manners of some sort.

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

After a moment, Kirk nodded, satisfied that he'd said his piece. So it was back to Blue, was it? Kirk didn't mind. He'd never liked the name Jimmy.

He passed through the door, in direct violation of the instinct to protect his back. McCoy could have fucked him over six ways from Sunday ten times over by this point. As a statement, then, it wasn't very powerful.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

The walk back to McCoy's quarters was a short and silent one - silent but for McCoy's evident, almost audible satisfaction with himself and with the way things were developing.

His first move, back in the room, was to toe off his boots. The second, was to consider the options from the replicator.

"You hungry for anything in particular?"

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

McCoy was disconcerting, like this, in his very familiarity. There was something just slightly off about him, but it was difficult to put one's finger on. But the sly kindness and the contrast to Pike, among others, were taking their toll on Kirk, who was already impressed with the man's cunning. He knew he should be worried about what was making McCoy so happy, except part of him hoped it was him and didn't want to unpack that feeling further, afraid of what he might find when there was nothing he could do about it anyway.

Kirk was hungry for anything.

"A cheeseburger." He said the first thing that came into his mind. And after a slight hesitation, "And pie."

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

McCoy nodded and ordered dinner for them both. The cheeseburgers came with fries. The pie, with ice cream slowly melting down the side of each slice.

Instead of handing Kirk his plate and retreating to his console as he had for their previous shared meals, McCoy moved to the able and waited for Kirk to join him. You ate fucking supper at a table, all there was too it.

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

Even replicated, the smell had his mouth watering before he reached the table. Which he did, quickly. He wasn't sure what this new game was, but he cast his glance between the plate and McCoy's face. And then he picked up the burger, pausing as if to test the weight of it in his hands. His stomach had shrunk but this couldn't even begin to fill the hole inside him.

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

McCoy ate his pie first.

The ice cream would melt, otherwise.

He speared a piece of fruit that had escaped and watched Kirk.

"I figure it'll be a while before you're up to conversation when there's food in the damn place. Typical, so I ain't bothered. And I figure it'll give me a fucking chance to tell you this: Scotty'll fuck you up. Which I am sure you think you know, but I've treated too many surprised idiots who thought drunk equaled stupid."

He licked fruit juice and ice cream off his fork.

"He ever tries to talk to you, call me."

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

He could feel the first bite work its way down to his stomach. The taste had exploded on his tongue. He had always thought the food here sucked, but he'd been dead wrong. He wondered why he hadn't been at the replicator all night last night.

He took two more bites and watched McCoy lick his fork before swallowing and forcing himself to ask, "Just talk to me?"

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

McCoy started in on his burger - rare, perhaps unsurprisingly - and nodded around the bite he was chewing.

"Even if it's just talk. He's an unpredictable motherfucker and he never just talks for the sake of talk. If Uhura's cut him out of warp core access, I reckon she's making some sort of statement about him needing to mind his loyalties. He'll be extra goddamn pissed off about that - man doesn't give a fuck who's in charge as long as he's got his fucking engines."

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

Nodding, Kirk started in on his pie. He'd more or less inhaled the burger, but it didn't seem likely to come back up--seemed he was getting better. He didn't much like being "schooled" by McCoy but he set that aside, too, as a necessary evil.

Half the pie gone (even soggy with melted ice cream, it tasted like heaven), he felt up to speaking again. "How come you haven't made a move yet? You been waiting all these years, or just found an opportunity you can't refuse?"

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

McCoy considered his answer around a mouthful of food. His chewing was thoughtful.

"Ain't an easy answer. First of all, what do I need with being captain? I could take Pike out - it would have been a satisfying challenge, I suspect, smart man that he is. But then what? I still got admiralty that wants me back in jail and that'd be their excuse. Meanwhile, whole ship would be after my hide. I like fucking sleeping sometimes."

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

He answered so easily, Kirk was feeling bold. He shoved the last bit of pie in his mouth, chewed thoroughly, and swallowed. "So you don't need to stay on Pike's good side," assuming he had one, "and now you see an opening."

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

"It's mostly something like that. That and I might be a touch bit bored. I ain't ambitious, Blue, that's the first thing. Ambition is a bitch in a fancy dress. But there's some opportunities too good to pass up."

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

And whether that was a compliment or not, he was part of that opportunity. And that gave him a certain sort of power, even if he couldn't fully exercise it yet. But he needed to be aware of his own opportunities. He knew he'd pleased McCoy--maybe even by displeasing him initially.

Kirk was ambitious. He knew this more intellectually now than viscerally, but it was good to keep in mind. And he would remain vigilant.

"Your M'Benga must be a fucking good doctor," he said finally, "because he fucks like construction equipment."

[sharpestscalpel.livejournal.com]

Kirk was feeling out the boundaries, finding his place. Goddamn good - it was about fucking time.

"M'Benga ain't bad. But he can't keep his hands to himself, he's going to lose some fingers. I got no tolerance for him backing my nurses into a corner."

Asshole. He touched Chapel again, M'Benga would regret it. And not because McCoy would come after him - he'd just turn Christine loose on the wayward doctor for herself. She knew better than to cut much out of anyone's hide, especially after that debacle with Spock. But with permission, she'd make M'Benga's last hours hellish. Fucking rapist.

[behnd-blueyes.livejournal.com]

McCoy took care of his own--in a manner of speaking. Kirk had gotten that, too, from his little show with the nurse. But it was to his own idea of what that meant. Kirk wondered if it could be predicted, if McCoy's eccentricities and foibles were consistent. It would be interesting to see. There was a sort of leadership there Kirk had not recognized before, but it lacked vision. Or at least, a distinct end other than McCoy's comfort. That was what Kirk judged to be the case.

So if McCoy were comfortable, Kirk thought, those qualities could be harnessed. And if he could remain interesting without being uncomfortable for him, he could take part in that. And McCoy was taking him into his confidence. Letting him know what level he was at. Where he belonged.

"Where else you have in mind to go?"